Blood Harvest
by The-Eighth-Sin
Summary: Oh boy! Another Naruto dies story! Don't worry he comes back. Powerful! Naruto who works for death directly. Rating for safety, and maybe something else. From the creator of Hawk Eyes. Lemons...many, many lemons. Voting for girls is closed.
1. Ch1 Death is a cool dude

Okay, okay, okay, I know you guys probably want me to work on chapter seven but I'm a little pissed at that story. You know when my flash drive got erased? Yeah, well, my flash drive is broken. Just snapped. In half. Complete destruction. So, shit. Also I'm typing this on a century old computer in my basement (for privacy). I got this idea when I was thinking about how awesome the game Maximo was. If you haven't played either Maximo game do so now. They rock, hard. So sit back and enjoy the beginning of a new story.

This is DEFINITALY AU. Definitely.

I don't own Naruto.

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Naruto was currently parallel with the ground; hovering a good two feet above terra firma; and staring down at his body.

"I can't believe that son of a bitch killed me." Naruto said glaring the corpse.

"I can't believe I killed him, son of a bitch!" Sasuke said staring at the corpse.

During their final charge Sasuke had managed to send his dark chidori straight into the heart of one Uzumaki Naruto. This, of course, killed the boy. Sasuke turned around and made a mad dash for the border, remorse beginning to take hold. He had severed his ties; there was no turning back now. Naruto, from his current ethereal vantage point, turned to see him leave.

"Yeah, you better run!" He shouted through cupped hands. Sighing he let them hang at his sides. "So, this is death? I wonder what happens now; cause if I have to stay floating here for all eternity I'm gonna be so miffed." Naruto wouldn't have to wait much longer.

"Hm, you seem familiar kid. You been killed before?" a rather amused voice sounded. Naruto's head snapped around and what he saw would have made him shit his overly orange pants. The Grim Reaper, scythe and all was floating towards him; his tattered black cloak billowing out behind him. His hood was down revealing a skull with two purple flames burning in the eye sockets; a crown of black lightning surging above his brow. "Say, I smell _two_ souls on you kid. Care to explain?"

"Oh, uh, sure Mr. Death, sir. I um, had a tailed demon sealed inside of me at birth." Naruto said pushing his index fingers together.

"A demon?" Death's eye socket moved, reminiscent of raising an eyebrow. His skull seemed to be more like a face than hard bone. His flaming eyes had begun to burn orange, like normal fire. "Would you happen to know what this demon's name would be pal?" he asked, waving his hand making two chairs burst into existence out of a black and green mist.

"Oh yeah, Kyuubi. Kyuubi no Kitsune." Naruto said taking his seat. "Um, why do you want to know?" He asked patting his stomach.

"Well, that bastard hasn't been doing his job for the past thirteen years. He's also managed to dodge me the day he, hehe, 'quit'." Death answered, spinning his chair around and sitting with his bony arms crossing over the backrest.

"Job?" Naruto asked cocking his head to the side. He could feel something tickling his naval lightly. Inside Kyuubi was thrashing madly against the cage; doing anything he could to escape. Not only was his boss here but he was in so much trouble.

Sighing death began, "Yeah, job. I don't know why I always hire demons to do that _particular_ job. They always get power hungry and stupid. You see, Kyuubi was a reaper; but the day he was 'sealed' his body was destroyed and his soul was…well, sealed." He said scratching his skull. Naruto nodded, he already knew this, except for the reaper part.

"Well, this means that he lost his job and, since his body was completely obliterated, I had to collect his soul so that I could appoint someone new to his position. Hmm, how'd you end up dead anyway? Fuzzy should be covering all your healing problems." Naruto then told him the story of Sasuke's defection.

"So, would want to kill Orochimaru?" Death said crossing his arms behind his head, skull looking contemplative. Naruto thought the Grim Reaper would be a bit more…dramatic, than this laid back guy he was chatting with. He was actually pretty cool.

"Of course! I'll make him pay for what he's done to everybody! But what does that have to do with anything!? I'm dead!" Naruto said throwing his hands up.

"This is true. But," Death raised a skeletal finger, "if you were to take Kyuubi's place you could do something." Good ol' Grim stated whilst wagging his finger.

"His place? What exactly did he do?" Naruto asked. He didn't want to be a giant, horrible, evil, monstrosity who ran around destroying cities and getting sealed in little babies.

"You see Naruto, I am a reaper of souls. I cannot make any kind of influence on the physical plane. But I can grant powers to a single individual at a time and they are my hands here. They are called Blood Reapers. They keep balance and order." Naruto sat there awestruck, _the_ Grim Reaper wanted to make him _his_ right hand man.

"You would lose the Kyuubi of course but what I will give you is much, much better. As the name implies blood will be essential. You won't be immortal but you won't be easy to kill neither. As long as you don't run out of blood." Death said while making what could be construed as a smile.

"Wouldn't that kill me anyway?" Naruto said raising in eyebrow.

"Well, yeah, but this is different. Blood will be your weapon, your power, your life. Let's say the top half of your body is blown to pieces. As long as you've absorbed enough blood prior, or even, during, you will quickly grow it back. You can change your clothes, your appearance, you can do anything as long as you have enough blood." Death explained while leaning back making exaggerated arm movements for his explanation. The flames in his eyes burning a jovial green.

"COOL!" Naruto said, eyes sparkling. "Wait, absorbed? You mean like a vampire?"

"No, more like a sponge. You'll understand more if you choose to accept. You can still live your life but when I give you a mission. It will be of utter importance that you complete it." Death said, taking a more serious tone.

"Well, will I change in appearance before I choose to?" Naruto asked turning the idea around in his head.

"No you will look the same and you probably won't age past twenty-six." Death said, his eye flames dieing down making it look like he had closed them.

"But I thought you said I wasn't immortal?"

"You aren't. If it gets to the point where your body is unsalvageable or just completely gone I'll be forced to collect your soul. Otherwise it's all good, because technically you will be filed under 'dead' back at the office." Death said sniggering at the thought of his lackeys doing all his paperwork.

"Well…just call me Uzumaki Naruto: Blood Reaper. Got a badass ring to it doesn't it?" Naruto said striking a pose.

"You bet yer Bad ass it does! Now get ready cause I'm gonna collect on your tenant's debt. It may sting." Death said a blue flame engulfing his right hand.

"What's it gonna do, kill m-hruugh!" Naruto was cut off as Death ran his bony hand right into the blonde spirit's stomach. He retracted the skeletal appendage and was holding a struggling mini-Kyuubi by the throat. '_He always looked bigger in my mind._' Naruto thought.

"Hey there Kyuubi. Just to let you know for losing your body you're fired; and for going off the deep end and slaughtering like a motherfucker we've got a big batch of interns lined up for you to train, four thousand years worth to be exact. Oh, and you're on call for tech support back in hell…for eternity." Kyuubi paled, impressive considering he was covered in fur.

"No, please! I'm sorry I'll never do it again! Just send me to the chamber of eternal sodomy. Make me spend eternity in a flaming pit full of angry fire ants and pissed off ex-girlfriends! ANYTHING BUT TECH SUPPORT PLEASE! PLE-" Kyuubi couldn't finish as he was sucked into a fiery pit opening below him.

"Now that that is taken care of," Death extended his hand out to Naruto. Naruto shook it with a smile, the biggest pain in his ass had just been removed for an eternity of dealing with incompetent morons, sweet. "Welcome aboard kiddo." Death smiled pulling out a cloak very similar to his own only blood red. "Here's your uniform," he said as the fabric began to glow red before it was sucked into Naruto's very soul. His ghostly body gave off a red shine before returning to normal, well, normal for a ghost.

"And this," Death flexed his bony hand and a small glowing ball came to life mere inches above it, "is your new weapon." He said as it too was pulled into the blonde.

"I thought you said blood was my weapon." Naruto said patting himself down to make sure nothing changed.

"It is, but what if you need it for something else? This weapon will also mark you as a reaper if anyone who can tell sees it. It will be a scythe, but when it is awakened it will be unique to you. Isn't that awesome!" Death said hands shaking at his sides clenched into fist and an excited expression on his 'face'.

"Hell yes it is!" Naruto said mimicking the Grim Reaper's pose. "Hey, I was thinking. What about shinigami? I thought they dealt with death?"

"Pfft, they wish. They work for me. They do all the jobs that I don't want to do. Like my laundry." Death said leaning on his scythe. Meanwhile back at the office a shinigami was neatly folding a black cloak; at least he didn't have to deal with tech support.

"Oh. But how will I use my powers? Will it just come naturally or is there a pamphlet?" Naruto asked.

"Hm, I've never done it before but none of the past reapers seemed to have trouble with it. So I guess naturally."

"Okay…well, boss, I think it's about time you sent me back. Kakashi-sensei has my body right now." Naruto said looking down at his body again. Sure enough Kakashi was walking away with it.

"Oh, sure thing. Before you go, I want you to know that this is the first time I've let a human do this job, but if you mess up it's no big deal. I'll just send you to hell." Naruto laughed nervously as Death raised his scythe. The elder reaper brought it down and, piercing Naruto's soul, forced it back down into its body. "Good luck kid, make me proud."

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Kakashi was holding Naruto's body as he carried it back towards Konoha. He couldn't believe his prize student was capable of such an act. When he had found the blonde it was far too late for him to do anything. The boy had been dead for too long to heal him. If he had been faster, if he hadn't taught Sasuke the chidori, if he had taught Naruto more; maybe this could have been avoided. He had failed Obito, he had failed his sensei, but most of all, he had failed his students. He let the tears flow as he walked into the forest.

The members of the retrieval group who had been left intact enough to continue forward found the broken man with his broken student. They gasped at the lifeless eyes of the once exuberant Uzumaki Naruto. He couldn't die, it just wasn't possible, he was the embodiment of the will of fire. Just as they were having a moment of silence for their fallen friend the boy's chest jerked forward and he gasped for breath like he had just received a major jolt.

"Dammit. He could have given me some warning first." Naruto complained as he rubbed his stiff neck. Looking around at the shocked faces he could only get out a simple "What?"

Shaking out of his stupor Kakashi grasped the boys shoulders "Naruto is that really you? Please tell me this isn't a genjutsu." He said as he uncovered his sharingan to make sure.

"Yeah it's me, who else would it be?" Naruto asked with amusement, slowly standing on wobbly legs.

"Well, you've been legally dead for," Kakashi stopped to check his watch, "two hours."

"Oh, that. Well, you see...I don't know. Bloodline?" Naruto said nervously scratching his cheek. The others anime fell while Kakashi vowed to train his students harder, better, to never allowing something like to happen again. With that said and done they began their trek home. Naruto feeling something, he couldn't quite explain. It felt…good. He couldn't wait to try out his new lifestyle and his, "Blood"line.

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"No, sir. Sir…sir please listen to me. No this isn't- sir please! Just try to turn it on. Sir, no please, sir!" Kyuubi said exasperatedly as his current customer complained about his toaster not working correctly. This wasn't even that kind of support line! It had only been an hour and he already had begun gnawing on his paws. It was going to be a long, long, LONG eternity.

A/N: Heh, cool. Well, I just had to write this and I can't wait to start doing the new fight scenes. Only problem, have no idea where to go with this right now. Like, plot wise is him fighting and doing his reaper job while living his 'normal' life. Also, no pairing yet. If anyone could offer suggestions to either of these problems I'll gladly accept. But please give me a reason for the pairing. No Naru/Saku or Naru/Hina, far too many of those already.

A/N: I edited this because lord knows it needed it. Also I have an Idea that I got from Allahee4life. Make it a crossover fic where Naruto travels to the different worlds to do death's bidding. Crazy Harem shenanigans will ensue and Naruto will kick ass on a level never before seen. I mean come on; he's Death's, _**DEATH'S**_ assistant; he has to be strong to do his job.


	2. Strange Friends

A/N: HUZZAH! The amazing sinner is back in action…not really. Anyway I should get my real computer back this weekend…hopefully. My bro completely revamped the sucker. I'm so happy. Anyway, Imma start chap 2 now.

Sigh, I don't own Naruto. And I keep forgetting these damn things.

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Naruto sat patiently in his hospital room, waiting for the nurse to come in and dismiss him. Kakashi, Gaara and Temari, the last two coming as a surprise to the whole group, had dragged him into the godforsaken building and forced him to undergo examination. He had been completely healed long before reaching the gates to the village but he agreed nonetheless, like he had a choice. He was fully dressed in his trademark jumpsuit, chidori hole and all, and was dangling his legs at his bedside. Jiraiya, who had just revealed to the boy his plans for their training trip, sat in a relaxed position on the windowsill.

'I wonder what I should tell Ero-Sennin. What about Obaa-chan? Hmmm…maybe I should-' He stopped mid thought as his pants began to vibrate violently. "WAHHAHAHOOHAOO!" Naruto exclaimed as he jumped up and began rummaging through his pockets with both hands.

"What the hell!? Naruto what's wrong!?" Jiraiya said as he got into a tense stance.

"P-p-p-pants sh-sh-sh-sh-shaking! W-w-w-won't s-s-stop!" Naruto exclaimed as he finally found the source of his dysfunction. A palm sized skull. "What in the seven hells?" were Naruto and Jiraiya's simultaneous thoughts.

Before Jiraiya could make a comment about Naruto's "fucked up habits" the skull began to talk in a familiar voice. "Yo, kid! How's it hangin'? Can you hear me alright?" Jiraiya recoiled away from the talking cranium while Naruto's voice lit up in recognition.

"Hey Boss! Yeah I can here you, can you hear me?" Naruto asked looking around the skull to find some sort of mic. Or an ear.

"Sure can. So, the reason I called was to tell you to bring this little skull to the uh, what did you call it…oh yeah! The Hokaje…Hokade…Hokage? Yeah that's it. Hokage. Bring your senseis too. It's kind of important." Naruto nodded and looked over his shoulder to an incredulous Jiraiya.

"Ero-Sennin? You hear that?" Naruto asked raising an eye-brow to his sensei's face.

"Y-yeah…I…I'll go get Kakashi. See you there gaki." Jiraiya took his leave saying something about, "Laying off the sake".

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**15 minutes later, Hokage's office**

Everyone who was supposed to be present in the office was, which was surprising considering Kakashi's…habit of being late. When they were all present Naruto and Kakashi taking the two chairs in front of the busty Hokage's desk; Jiraiya sitting by the window and the busty Hokage sitting at the desk of the busty Hokage the skull began to speak again. This, of course, startled everyone save Naruto, who chuckled at the collective reaction, even Jiraiya jumped when it opened its eternally smiling mouth.

"Okay 'Ruto drop me so that I may make my entrance." The skull spoke casually. Naruto then tipped his hand and the sturdy looking skull shattered on contact with the floor. A black mist began oozing out immediately. It quickly reached the edges of the large room before it stopped and rushed back to the point of impact where it began to plume upwards. It took the legendary shape of the Grim Reaper. The three adults who had been nervous before were all white as sheets now. They thought that maybe Naruto had betrayed them and that they were all going to die. Death began raising his hand up and the three cringed away in fear before a scratching sound was heard.

They looked up to see the living embodiment of death rolling his neck while massaging it with his raised hand; the scratching was the sound of bone on bone. "Uggh, Haven't done that in a looooong time. So," he clapped his hands together, "I'm sure you all want an explanation." The three adults nodded dumbly. And so, the story of Naruto's revival was told.

"So, you're saying, that he," Tsunade pointed to Naruto, "is a partially immortal Blood Reaper who is now directly connected to you," she pointed to Death, who was hovering in a sitting position in between Naruto and Kakashi, "the living embodiment of Death." Tsunade asked in amazement.

"UN-living, the _un_-living embodiment of death." Grim corrected.

"Oh, right. The un-living embodiment of death." Tsunade said. Death nodded. "Oh." She hastily pulled out a bottle labeled "**IN CASE A LOVED ONE RETURNS FROM THE DEAD AS THE RIGHT HAND MAN OF DEATH HIMSELF REMOVE CORK**". She followed the instructions and began drinking with gusto.

"That's…that is an incredibly specific bottle." Naruto said staring at the ceramic.

"Yeah, wow." Kakashi said he had put his book away as soon as death entered the room. Reading smut while dieing, while it is obviously one of the most epic and manly deaths possible, would severely damage his chance of going to the 'not-bad-place'.

"Well, technically he isn't my right hand man…YET." Death said scratching his chin.

"What!?" Naruto exclaimed.

"Well, its tradition that you complete one mission before you are official." At this he pulled a manila folder out of his cloak. "After that I'll show you everything you need to know." Death then handed Naruto the folder. Everyone except Death rushed over to look at Naruto's "mission". Naruto opened the folder and everyone had a different reaction.

"Huh" Kakashi said.

"Well, I didn't see that coming." Jiraiya mumbled, rubbing his chin as he read the specs.

"Perfect." Tsunade groaned as she slapped her forehead and took a very large "sip" of sake.

"This _is_ perfect." Naruto said with a dangerous glint in his eye. The mission spec were:

_Target: Tora the cat._

_Mission Requirement: Kill the cat._

_Summary: Tora the cat has been harassing Leaf gennin for generations. The torment induced by this cat has driven more than its fair share of gennin insane and has produced countless nuke-nin. It is imperative that this threat to humanity be taken care of with extreme prejudice. Upon completion one Uzumaki Naruto is to be endowed with all knowledge of his reaper powers and shall receive full induction into the ranks of the elite of the afterlife; the Blood Reapers._

Tsunade shifted uneasily at her desk. "I don't know if I like the idea of Naruto working for Death." Everyone cast her a look. "I mean, no offense, but your name is synonymous with evil." Death scoffed.

"I understand where you're coming from but it is completely unfounded. I am completely neutral…okay I _may_ lean a little toward the side of justice every once and again, but other than that I, and my minions, are neutral." Now it was his turn to receive looks.

"That sounds about right." Everyone now shared a surprised glance in Naruto's direction. Said boy had his eyes closed, the elbow of his right arm in his left hand and his right cupping his chin; all in all it was a pose that screamed, "I'm thinking so shut it up!". "I mean, think about it. While dieing takes away people we love, it also takes away people we hate. There is no discrepancy, in death we are all equal." The three adults who knew him prior to his death were gob smacked, that was…intelligent. A fact that Kakashi pointed out.

"Naruto that was…a profound and intelligent thought. Are you feeling alright?" Kakashi asked as he raised a hand to Naruto's forehead.

"Yeah, I'm fine, though…it did feel weird using all those words." Naruto said scratching his head.

"I didn't even know you knew the word discrepancy." Tsunade said a little proud at Naruto's reasoning.

"Yeah…I read the dictionary from cover to cover once…or twice. I was really, really bored that day." Everyone, including Naruto, sweat dropped. Death laughed.

"So, do we have your consent? I'm sure Naruto wants to get his mission completed." Death said, one hand on his hip the other dangling at his side as he turned to look at Tsunade. Sighing and rubbing her temples she decided to answer.

"Fine. But if he's not our Naruto anymore I swear I'll find a way to kill you, you sorry bag of bones." Death actually seemed a little nervous at that, while everyone else was a little put off that their Hokage was threatening Death face to face. She still hadn't lifted her stern gaze even after Grim had recovered.

"Uh, deal?" Death said, although it sounded more like a question. Tsunade seemed satisfied as she leaned back, nodding. "Okay! Now that that's settled, go get 'er 'Ruto my boy!" Naruto nodded enthusiastically before bursting out of the window. Tsunade rushed to the window and stuck her head out of the window.

"Naruto! She was last seen near the Forest of Death!" She shouted, one hand near her mouth to focus the sound more.

"Thank Youuuu!" Naruto shouted back, though it was rather soft. Tsunade sighed as she sat back down at her desk. She looked up to find that the three men, Death included, were chatting by themselves.

"You're still here?" She asked raising an eyebrow.

"I'm gonna wait for Naruto with Grim here. Plus, I know you weren't going to do any work today anyway" Jiraiya said to which Death nodded. Tsunade seemed to accept that, although begrudgingly. She looked over to Kakashi.

"What about you."

"Nothing better to do. Plus, I think Gai wants to challenge me again and I'd rather not deal with that just yet." Tsunade shuddered at the thought of that PARTICULAR jounin before she nodded at his response. There was a semi-comfortable silence in the room before Jiraiya spoke up.

"So…Death…do you like, Itcha Itcha by any chance?"

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Naruto crept silently through the bushes. Tsunade had been true to her word as the target was lazing about in a patch of grass just outside of training area 44. He smiled a sadistic smile as he slowly emerged from the underbrush. Using what little knowledge he had of killing intent he managed to freeze the cat in her place. It struggled to escape but its body just would respond. Wagging a finger in front of the helpless feline's face Naruto began to speak.

"Ah ah ah. No more running, no more scratching, and no more biting you god damned cat. Sorry, its my job, nothing personal…oh wait." Naruto laughed an insane laugh as he brought his hand up and began forming a rasengan. "Don't worry, you won't feel a thing…I think." With startling speed he rammed his rasengan into the trembling hell spawn. But his rasengan looked drastically different.

Instead of swirling light-blue chakra it was a dark navy-blue with wisps of red and black thrown in. 'Well that's new.' He thought as the ball of death passed by his face. Upon contact with the cat an explosion rocked the clearing spraying blood and debris everywhere and attracting the attention of a certain tokubetsu jounin.

**Back at the Hokage's Office**

"You are so lucky that you are Death incarnate or I would beat the living shit out of you." Tsunade said as she stood over the bruised and crumpled bodies of Kakashi and Jiraiya. Shortly after the toad hermit had posed his perverted question the three men began to talk fervently of the erotic novels. This action in the presence of any woman, especially Tsunade, usually results in hemorrhaging; bruising; broken bones; and the soiling of oneself. At that moment though the sound of an explosion and the feeling of an intense amount of chakra rocked the building. "WHAT THE SHIT WAS THAT!?" Tsunade shrieked.

"'What the shit'?" Death absently asked. "That was Naruto. I guess I forgot to mention his new chakra…oops. Hehehe. He'll probably be out of it for a little while." He added rubbing the back of his bony head.

"You _forgot_? Oh, you are SO damned lucky, that you are you. SOOOO DAMEND LUCKY!" Tsunade said threateningly.

**Back with Naruto**

Naruto looked around with his one good eye. The entire right side of his torso was non-existent, including most of his face. He fell to his knees and landed in a puddle that was once Tora the cat. The blood rushed into his body and a red gelatinous mass oozed out of his gaping wounds. The red goop took the shape of his missing body parts and remained a red color before solidifying and changing color so that it matched the colors of his original body. He had just regenerated for the first time.

"Oh that's just awesome." He said before he lost consciousness.

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Naruto awoke and began a damage report. 'Let's see, judging by the pain in my ankle I'd have to say someone dragged me here by my foot. The scratches on my back indicate that they also dragged me over some sharp; pointy rocks…on purpose unless I'm mistaken. They then proceeded to drag me up three or four flights of stairs if the headache is any indication; after which they through me on the ground in their,' he looked around, 'living room…which is why I'm in a tangled pile. How nice.'

Getting up and stretching he looked around. It was a decent sized apartment, it was furnished in an average fashion, and there were some clothes strewn about but not much. He was in a woman's apartment; if the two or three bras on the floor and couch were any sign. Either that or he was in a very strange man's home. He heard the tell-tale hiss of a shower being turned on. Whoever they were they must be washing off the blood that they undoubtedly had gotten on themselves retrieving his unconscious carcass. He took a look around and spotted a coffee pot with some of the warm brown liquid in it.

He walked over and grabbed a mug that already had some of the caffeine containing fluid in it. The mug was covered in hearts and rainbows but Naruto just shrugged and filled it to the brim again. He took a swig and enjoyed the warm feeling as it traveled down his throat. He would occasionally drink the stuff when he was overly groggy, like he was now. Taking another sip he looked at the kitchen table…bills, ugh how he hated the things. He looked around as if checking to see if the coast was clear and then began scrutinizing the documents.

However had been doing these things obviously hated doing them, they were half assed in a way that would make Shikamaru proud. Sighing he grabbed a pen and a calculator and set to work, it was the least he could do. After twenty minutes of work he had finished with the last bill. Leaning back in his chair he heaved a content sigh and sipped at the remains of his coffee, 'Ya done good Naruto, ya' done good.' He told himself. That is, until a rough, feminine voice permeated the small kitchen.

"Hey, who said you could drink my coffee brat?" Naruto turned with a bored expression to the sound of the voice and with a display of great will power managed to keep his face in the same expression. Before him stood a damp Mitirashi Anko, in all her curvaceous glory, clad only in a towel, with her hands planted firmly on her hips and her feet shoulder length apart. Her wet hair was hanging down and framed her face beautifully. While Naruto had managed to keep his expression he didn't manage to keep the two and a half gallons of blood that cascaded out of his nose and directly into the, now empty, coffee mug. How the mug managed to contain all two and a half gallons is still a mystery.

Quickly wiping away the remaining blood Naruto answered her rather rhetorical question. "No one did, but I figured I earned a cup of coffee after I did your damn bills for you. Your welcome, by the way." Naruto said as he discretely stuck a finger in the mug and began absorbing the lost blood.

"Y-you did my bills? How would a kid like you know how to do bills?" She said as she waltzed over and began perusing Naruto's handy work. The blonde reaper simply leaned back in his chair with his hands behind his head and a smug look on his face.

"Feh, I've been doin' bills since I was old enough to count. I'm pretty damn good at it if I do say so myself." He opened one eye, from his current position he got an eyeful of Anko's shapely behind, as she was slightly bent over the table holding a piece of paper in one hand and holding up her towel with the other.

"Keep staring and I'll rip your balls off." The deadly beauty said casually as she read over the rest of his work; he quickly closed his eye. It all seemed to check out so she stood up straight, nodding her head in approval. "I guess you did earn yourself a cup of coffee." She turned to Naruto. "Now, mind telling me just what the hell you were doing face down in the center of what looked like a blood bomb?"

"Mind putting some damn clothes on? I've seen more skin on Kakashi-sensei's face." Naruto countered. She merely winked as she walked, more like sashayed, back to her, what Naruto presumed was her bedroom, where she began to disrobe. Naruto turned back to the table very quickly while stuffing his fingers in his nostrils to prevent any unnecessary leakage. While Anko was getting dressed Naruto took stock of his own appearance. It seemed that his, "**Chi Sosei**"(1) as he called it, had also regenerated his clothes; he thanked God for that for he had heard that the fewer clothes you where the more pheromones get through, and more pheromones means that people get extra flirty. Extra flirty was very dangerous in the household of Mitirashi Anko.

As she took her sweet time changing, which was a little ridiculous considering how little she often wore, Naruto decided to tell her a very, VERY censored version of how he wound up unconscious. He told her that Tsunade had asked him to kill the cat for the same reason that was labeled in the mission specs instead of his new employer. And that, instead of using his new chakra wrong, he ended up using too much of his normal chakra because he was driven temporarily insane at the prospect of killing the horrible creature. When she finished getting dressed and was wearing something very similar to her usual attire, except she had an orange mini-skirt instead of a yellow one, she walked over to the blonde teen and bashed him on the head.

"You really expect me to believe that?" She said with her eyes closed and one hand on her hip, the other was clenched into a fist.

"To tell the truth…no. I was really hoping that you would though. Nice skirt by the way, great color." He joked, nursing the sore spot on his head. "But, that story reminds me, thanks for _dragging_ me here, you sadistic weirdo." He said sarcastically as he glared daggers at her.

"Oh, you're very welcome Naruto-_kuuuun_. No need to thank me, although I can show you how _sadistic_ I can really be." She said as she leaned over, exposing her plentiful cleavage. But Naruto, being the crafty bastard he is, managed to weasel out of the intense raping he was surely going to receive.

"Thanks for the offer, I'll take you up on that sometime but I've gotta report in." He rushed over to the door and a kunai whizzed by his head. And he found himself pressed up against the wall right next to the open door.

"I'll hold you to that brat." Anko breathed huskily into his ear. He managed to wriggle out of her grasp and ran through the exit.

"Maybe when I get back from my trip, baby! But I'm sure you eye-fucked me enough while I was knocked out to last you until then!" He shouted back as he made a dead run for the Hokage tower. Several minutes later he burst through the door of the Hokage's office to see Death floating while reading a familiar orange book; Tsunade glaring icy, jagged, rusty daggers at him and Jiraiya wrapping Kakashi's head in gauze as said man was also reading a certain orange book. "Do I even want to know?"

**This next part is kind of, really important. Reading it is highly recommended****. For those of you who will tell me Authors notes in stories are amateur mistakes: fuck you. I don't want some idiot complaining to me about Naruto's powers.)**

After several minutes of rushed explanations from both sides Death began his crash course on being a reaper. "Okay, first things first you," he said pointing to Naruto, "are going to summon your two retainers."

"Retainers?" Naruto asked, everyone else wanted to know as well they just didn't want to look stupid.

"Yes, you see you will summon two undead…helpers…as it were. These summons will be different though. Instead of being on this plane of existence for as long as the chakra holds out they will be here until they are killed, or you un-summon them." Naruto was opening his mouth to ask another question until Death raised a hand to silence him. "Save all questions until the end please."

"Yes, your summons can be killed but that just means their bodies will give out. Their souls are sealed away in the underworld. When you summon them you are using your new chakra to make them a permanent body, which will be a copy of their undead form. Then their souls will make a direct link to the body sending their consciousness to this realm. They will then be intertwined with your own soul, meaning they will know when you are in danger and will know what you are feeling and vice versa. They will be the only two retainers you will ever get so you'd better hope you like them. Now, any questions?" Death asked as he scanned his small audiences faces with his hands clasped together. All four of them were sitting cross-legged in a semi-circle in front of him.

"Yeah, about my new chakra…" Naruto left the question floating hoping that Death caught on, which he did.

"Ah yes. You see when you die the chakra is neatly and quickly expelled from the body. This left you with quite a void to fill, not only are your own stores enormous but the hole left behind by the Kyuubi was also staggering. Therefore I filled it up with what I like to call, Reaper chakra. Much more potent than regular chakra; it has an affinity with all elements and is naturally healing as opposed to the corrosive nature of demonic chakra. This will make all jutsu easier to do although it is rather chaotic in nature seeing as how it's multiple elements clash and harmonize at the same time. Because it is a completely new form of chakra for your body you will have to begin chakra control exercises from the beginning again, sorry." Death said rubbing the back of his skull.

"No big deal, I'll show you Kage bunshin training while we're on the road." Jiraiya said leaning back on one hand and wave the other in a dismissive gesture.

"Kage bunshin…training?" Naruto repeated confusedly.

"I'll explain it when we start doing it okay?" Jiraiya said as he gestured for Death to continue.

"Ahem, thank you. Anyway, your "retainers" will teach you how to be a reaper, meaning blending in, information gathering and infiltration as well as your blood abilities. If you're lucky they may be able to teach you how to wield a scythe as well." Death said as he nodded to himself.

"Ah, speaking of my scythe when do I get it?" Naruto asked excitedly.

"Oh yes, your scythe. You will receive that when it awakens, when that happens I have no idea. But you will know. But, oddly enough, this reminds me of your uniform." Death said.

"Oh yeah! How do I wear that? Its kind of attached to my soul isn't it?" Naruto said taking his thinking pose. The others were extremely confused at this point.

"Simple. Close your eyes and imagine that red shine when I gave it to you." Naruto complied and took on a look of complete concentration. "You got it?" Death asked.

"I…I think so." Naruto said as he felt a dull pulling in the center of his body.

"Good, now push it outwards. Make it expand on all sides until it comes out!" Death said excitedly. The three adults thought he was enjoying this a little too much.

"Okay. Hrrrrrrrragh!" Naruto grunted as he was enveloped in a scarlet red burst of light. Kakashi closed his visible eye, Tsunade and Jiraiya shielded their eyes with their arms and death just gazed directly into the indoor light show with a smile on his bony face. As the light died down Kakashi gave a low whistle.

"Not bad Naruto, not bad." He said as he stood up to inspect his student's new attire. He had his flowing scarlet cloak, of course, but underneath he was wearing a red tunic. Under the tunic was a pure white body suit with only the sleeves and legs showing. He had dull red boots, which only came up to his ankles and blood red gloves that rose to his wrists where they splayed outwards.

"Nice skirt." Jiraiya said through his sniggers. At this Naruto and Death quickly turned to him both exuding killer intent so potent that the guards outside the office burst in.

"ITS NOT A SKIRT!! IT'S A TUNIC!! YOU GOT THAT YOU OLD PERV!?!" Jiraiya, nodding his head off and saying things like "I take it back" and "Where can I get one?", backed away from the panting reapers who then turned their wrath upon the openly gaping ANBU. "WHAT DO YOU WANT!?" The two, seasoned, brave and all around ferocious ANBU guards both slowly backed out into the hallway before closing the doors.

**Out in the hall**

ANBU one turned to his companion, ANBU two, and said, "That was the scariest thing I've ever seen." At being addressed by his partner ANBU two turned to his friend.

"I think I wet my pants."

**Back in the office**

Naruto and Death had managed to calm themselves down. "You know, If I hadn't been wearing one I probably would have called it a skirt too, but now that I'm wearing one it's actually quite nice." Naruto said looking down at his appearance.

"Really?" Kakashi asked with genuine curiosity. "How so?"

"Well it give me more range of motion; it doesn't ride up; it lifts and supports my boys; and there is a pleasant breeze." Naruto list as he began stretching.

"Hmmm, maybe…" Kakashi seemed deep in thought and Tsunade had her hands on her ears shouting, "LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU LA LA LAAAAA!!" when Naruto had said "my boys".

"So aaaaaanywaaaaaay." Death drawled attempting to take control of the situation. "Naruto, here are the hands sings." He handed the boy a slip of paper. "Simply do these and channel as much of your chakra into it as you can, and hurry up the suspense is killing me." He laughed a little. "Get it…cause I'm me so…I can't…" the occupants of the room all gave him a blank expression, "never mind." He said dejectedly as he looked down to the floor.

After practicing the hands seals a couple times Naruto felt comfortable enough to perform the technique. After asking for everyone to step back he began the seals. After landing on the final horse seal he pumped as much chakra as he could muster into the technique. He felt a massive pull on his stores and soon there were two puffs of smoke in the room and everyone could feel two more presences.

The first plume of smoke cleared and revealed a rather startling sight. There stood what one would normally call a zombie. His skin was a light-blue tint and the navy-blue hair atop his head was in liberty spikes. His face, and body, was devoid of any and all fat leaving a rather small muscular figure; his face was lacking cheeks, however, and it was contorted into a vicious smile. His scary appearance was only accentuated by his lack of a nose and black eye sockets. Upon his bare chest was a red double crescent design; but directly below that was, what looked like, a gaping mouth with four jagged teeth hanging down, albeit sans a uvula and tongue. The only articles of clothing present was a tattered pair of purple pants with the union jack and a spiked shackle on the right leg; and a pair of fingerless gloves with studded knuckles and yellow, bony fingers protruding out of the finger-holes. He was snapping his fingers and shifting his weight from foot to foot while bobbing his head to an unheard beat.(2)

The second plume was quickly dissipated revealing another blue-ish zombie-like form. This newcomer's hair was also a dark blue but it was hanging down in greasy locks around his shrouded face. Unlike his predecessor it appeared as though he had a nose, the lower half of his face was covered by a brown cloak that barely shielded the top half of his torso; and his eye sockets, while devoid of eyes, glowed a soft white. While the area where his stomach and other organs would be was devoid of substance and was barely skin over a spinal column his arms and legs, which were wrapped in a material very similar to his cloak, were very muscular. His hands consisted of three thick and rather bony looking protrusions on each hand. His feet were very similar to his hands although instead of three claw-like "fingers" he had two large "toes". Two flaps of leathery skin, very reminiscent of bat wings only minus the bones, wearing hanging limply on his back. He seemed to be in a relaxed posture but anyone with experience could tell that he was ready to strike from any angle, at any time.(3)

"Very interesting Naruto…very interesting indeed." Death said as he took stock of Naruto's new henchmen. "I'd like to introduce you to your new retainers," He motioned to the first zombie, "Meet the Zombie god of rock, a shape shifter and a powerful fighter Zabel Zarock." The newly named Zabel Zarock perked up at hearing his name.

"Yo." He said in a ghastly voice that sounded perfect for the music he reigned over. He turned to look at the group of astonished humans with skipping a beat of his silent music. Death then continued with the introduction.

"And Raziel, a wraith who is one of my best soul reavers; an incredible weapons master and one of the most loyal fighters you'll find in the underworld." Death said as he motioned to the second being. Who turned to view his audience.

"Hello." He said in a proper voice, one could tell that he was either nobility in life or just extremely polite. Zabel turned to the two un-living occupants of the room still bobbing his head.

"Yo boss man, what's the deal?" he asked, his Aussie accent making an appearance.

"Isn't it obvious you buffoon? A new Blood Reaper has been appointed and we are to be its retainers. Although I must say spending an eternity with you will most assuredly drive me to the brink of insanity." Raziel said placing his head in his hand and shaking it. His insults seemed to just wash right over the dancing corpse because his face lit up in a disturbing smile.

"Oh ho!? A new reaper eh? Well who is it? I don't see any demons here so it must be one of those lot right? I hope it's the broad with the huge knockers." Zabel said casting his gaze over the living members of the room. Tsunade was about to blow a gasket.

"I'd think it would be the one wearing the uniform, dolt." Walking up to Naruto he bent himself over slightly to inspect his new charge. Zabel followed suit and shimmied over.

"Kind of small don't you think Razz old pal?" Zabel asked as he nudged Raziel with his shoulder.

"Yes, quite. But he is absolutely bursting with power, promising would be a better word for him. And don't call me Razz, _old pal_." Raziel said as he straightened up from his inspection. "So do you have a name or shall we call you Reaper for the rest of eternity?" Raziel said as he extended a "hand".

"Was that a joke? I didn't think it was possible." Zabel said as he nudged Raziel again.

"I think you'll find that sarcasm can be quite comical. But I think we should concentrate on the task at hand rather than my comedic talent." Raziel said motioning to Naruto.

"Ah what's the point this kid'll get killed like that," He went to snap his fingers but found him self eating the carpet courtesy of Naruto's vicious axe kick. Raziel seemed pleased as did Death and Tsunade, Jiraiya, who had been smirking when Zabel had been talking down to Naruto, was laughing and Kakashi was just shaking his head. Naruto squatted down and grabbed a handful of spiked hair from Zabel's head. He then lifted the head so that he was staring directly into the face of one scary looking, disoriented zombie and, oozing killer intent, started talking.

"The names Uzumaki Naruto. Learn it." With that he mashed the face back into the ground where a muffled "okay" was heard and Zabel held up a flimsy OK sign. Raziel walked up to Naruto with his arms crossed and looked him up and down before he said.

"Well, at least I know it will be an interesting eternity." Death decided to get back to business.

"Ahem, now that that is settled all you have to do is stand still Naruto and I can induct you into annals of underworld lore as a Blood Reaper. The first human one too." Naruto stood in front of the Grim Reaper smiling broadly. Death lifted a glowing, red, bony finger and touched Naruto's forehead. There was a small flash and Naruto tilted backwards before he caught himself and lunged forwards to regain his balance. He turned around and everyone, save Zabel, who had picked himself up, and Raziel gave a small gasp. Naruto looked around confused until Zabel gave a chuckle and, spinning it around first, for effect, handed Naruto a hand mirror. He too gave a small gasp before whispering out something like "cool".

Upon his brow was a blood red tattoo. It was a large blood drop overlapping two crossed scythes. It gave off a faint glow before turning black and then fading into nothingness. Turning to Death, whom he knew had an explanation, Naruto smiled. "That is the seal of the Blood Reaper. When you channel your chakra it will appear, like your old seal, only the more you use the brighter it will glow. Anyone even remotely tied to me will know what that mark entails and will treat you accordingly. It will appear on you no matter what form you take, and also its just plain bad ass." Zabel and Naruto nodded at this statement while Raziel just looked up and shook his head. "Don't worry you can suppress it during those times when it would be a hassle if people saw it but you still need to use chakra." Death explained as he placed a hand on Naruto's shoulder.

"Well, I think its time I got going. I am sort of in charge of death and all that." Naruto waved him good-bye and the others merely nodded in farewell. "You two make sure he gets the right training, I'd hate to have to send you to back up Kyuubi." He added before disappearing in a black mist much like how he entered, in fact it reformed into the miniature skull, which zoomed into Naruto's chest safe until Death needed to contact him again. Zabel and Raziel shared a shiver in thought of _that_ particular punishment. Tsunade, who was now seated at her desk, spoke up.

"Well Naruto, this sure was an interesting day. And I can only be certain that there will be several more…interesting, days ahead of us. But, when you received your new…companions I realized something." Tsunade said with a smirk.

"What's that Oba-chan?" Naruto asked with his hands behind his head. He had just sealed his uniform away. Zabel sniggered at the nickname.

"Granny Tsunade? Come on kid she can't be older than twenty-two." He said as he wrapped an arm around Naruto's shoulders.

"Oh you'd be surprised. She's actually-" he dodged a book thrown by Tsunade, "under a genjutsu-" he jumped over a chair, "she's really over fifty!" This time he was not so fortunate and received a powerful punch to the head. Zabel shuddered, 'So. Much. Sagging.' He thought.

"THAT! Is BESIDES the POINT right now!" Tsunade yelled. "Shizune!" She called her assistant.

"Yes, Tsunade-sama?" Shizune asked as she came into the room. She looked around at the occupants of the room and froze when she saw the two undead. One of them still had Naruto in a head-lock-like embrace. "Uh-" she began but was cut off by Tsunade.

"Don't ask. Shizune please get me the deed to 27 Hibachi Street." Tsunade said as she formed steeple with her fingers in front of her face. Shizune hurriedly left the room. Naruto turned to face his new partners.

"You guys are gonna need to work on the whole," He raised his arms and began 'zombie walking' in place, "'We're zombies raaar', thing. Try henging into something a little more…not dead." The two Zombies traded glances and shrugged before changing shape. Zabel looked human, although still blue, with a muscle shirt and a leather jacket on, and instead of spiky hair he had long shoulder length hair. Raziel also changed himself into a human looking form although he was wearing a more formal looking white suit with a red cape hanging off one shoulder. Zabel mumbled a quick "show-off" before crossing his arms.

Shizune soon returned with the requested documents. She looked at the occupants again and she could have sworn the two new comers were zombies before. She must be tired, damn Tsunade and her late hours. She handed Tsunade the documents and offered Naruto a smile, which he returned, before bowing and taking her leave.

"You see Naruto the council would never allow this before but now that you have two people who _have_ to live with you I'm _forced_ to give you a bigger home. Such as this one." She showed him the picture of the house, which was included with the deed. A two-story house with gray siding that could easily house several people let alone three. The house looked familiar to Naruto.

"But wouldn't it make sense to give that house to someone with a bigger family? Or better yet, someone who can _pay_ for it?" Naruto asked looking at the house more closely.

"Yes that would make more sense but no one has lived in that house for decades. Something about noisy neighbors and a curse, it's all rubbish. The cost of the house is very low, so I'll buy it for you and I'll take a fraction of the money out of all of your mission payments until you've paid me off. That way when you're done the house will be completely yours and you only have to pay for utilities and food." Naruto looked up at Tsunade with wide eyes and an even wider smile. He jumped the desk and hugged the Hokage fiercely.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you." He chanted over and over again. Zabel and Raziel were having a side conversation.

"The council wouldn't allow it? What's that about?" Raziel asked in a hushed voice. Zabel, who had a serious expression on his ghastly face for once, just shook his head.

"Dunno, but I can tell you I don't like 'em already." He said as he watched his new charge hug the crap out of the busty grandma.

"Sadly, that's how Naruto's life is." The two human looking zombies nearly jumped out of their blue skin at the sound of a lazy voice from behind them. Kakashi raised a hand in greeting.

"Yo, I'm Naruto's sensei. I figured I'd fill you guys in on Naruto's past real quick so that you guys are a little up to date." He then proceeded to tell them about the Kyuubi, Naruto's childhood, or lack thereof, and his personality. It was a quick retelling and he told them to ask Naruto himself later. Their respect for the new Blood Reaper went up several notches.

"The kids got guts I'll give 'em that." Zabel said while he placed his hands behind his head.

"Hmm, as much as it pains me to do so I must agree." Raziel said as he crossed his arms.

While Kakashi had been giving the two newbies a crash course in Narutophonics Tsunade had hammered out the details with Naruto and signed the deed over to him. "Okay, when you get back the house'll be all ready for you. Jiraiya when are you leaving?" She asked as she turned to the old pervert who had been a little quiet.

"Huh, oh we should actually leave very soon. Heh, I was just thinking. Akatsuki is collecting the bijou but Kyuubi is gone and I know for a fact that he was integral to their plan." Jiraiya said looking up at the ceiling. Naruto blinked a few times before laughing.

"Hahahaha! Oh man! Sucks to be them doesn't it? Oh, that's too good. I can't wait to see Itachi's face! Buwahahahaha!!" Naruto was grasping his stomach and tearing up he was laughing so hard. After he had managed to compose himself he addressed his white haired pervert of a sensei, "So let me pack and say my goodbyes and we can go okay?" At Jiraiya's nod he turned towards the door. "Bye, Tsunade Oba-Chan! Kakashi-sensei! Come on guys lets go." Naruto said as he waved good-bye.

"See you Naruto. Get strong so that we can get Sasuke back!" Kakashi said as he to left.

"Be careful! Otoutou." Tsunade shouted from behind her desk. "You two take care of him or I'll make you wish you were Kyuubi!!" Zabel and Raziel both gulped.

"That goes for you too, pervert." Tsunade said silencing the laughing hermit.

"Uh, hehe, uh I'm gonna go." Jiraiya said nervously as he bolted out the window. Tsunade leaned back in her chair and sighed. She hoped that Naruto would be alright, what would this new power entail?

**Half an hour later at the west gate.**

Jiraiya pushed off from the wall as he saw the trio approach. They didn't exchange words they all merely nodded at each other before setting out. Not returning for almost three years.

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Rock Lee slowly opened his eyes and sat up. He was in a Konoha Hospital bed sharing a room with Kiba, Neji, Shikamaru and a still unconscious Chouji. Tenten had come to visit Neji and himself. Ino came for Chouji and Shikamaru, Hinata and Shino came for Kiba and Sakura had come for Naruto but she couldn't find him. He looked around again but he still couldn't find Naruto. He was about to pose his question to Shikamaru when the nurse came in carrying a clipboard and a medication.

"Ano sa, Excuse me Nurse-san but could you tell us the status of our friend, Naruto-kun?" The other occupants, except Shikamaru who was conscious during the return trip, all looked expectantly at the nurse. The nurse nodded before flipping through the pages on her clipboard.

"Naruto…Naruto…Naruto…Ah, here it is. Let's see, condition: one broken arm; all ribs fractured;" the others stared wide-eyed at that one, "a splintered shin; a broken neck;" now they were openly gaping, "two puncture wounds, one through the right lung and the second through the heart directly;" everyone looked downcast at the loss of their friend, "and a severed spine. All caused by Uchiha Sasuke." Kiba hastily wiped away the tears forming in his eyes and Akamaru howled, while Neji and Shino just looked out the window forlornly and Lee was crying while shouting about Naruto's flames of youth burning in the after life. Sakura and Hinata were openly weeping while Ino tried to console her friends and Tenten felt bad that she didn't know him while he was alive if he was able to incite this kind of emotional reaction from all of her friends. Shikamaru heaved a heavy sigh; it was going to be very troublesome trying to calm everyone down.

"He was released about fifteen minutes ago." Everyone stopped their grieving momentarily. Kiba looked at the nurse incredulously.

"What did you say? There's no way someone with those many fatal wounds could just waltz out of here before someone with a broken finger." He said jerking a thumb in Shikamaru's direction.

"Hey." Said lazy boy said. "Besides, she's telling the truth. That troublesome guy was fully healed by the time he got here. They only reason they know about those injuries was because we took stock of his body when we found him."

"S-s-s-so N-N-Naruto-k-kun is a-a-a-alive?" Hinata asked, a smile beginning to spread across here face.

"Yup, apparently he has some sort of bloodline that allows super regeneration. Either that or he found death to be too troublesome." Shikamaru said. Everyone brightened up at that. They had a second chance with their friend and they wouldn't pass it up. Some vowing to learn more about the blonde (coughTentencough) and what makes him so damn charismatic.

"In fact I heard Jiraiya-sama say that they were leaving for a two year training trip soon." The nurse said as she raised a finger to her lips as she recalled the conversation she had overheard. Spirits were dampened a little at that.

"Well it seems that we'll all have to train hard so that he doesn't get _too_ far ahead of us." Sakura said. Looking over the faces of her friends and acquaintances.

"YOSHA! SAKURA-CHAN IS RIGHT!! WE CAN'T LET NARUTO-KUN SURPASS US BY SUCH GREAT BOUNDS WE MUST WORK HADR AS NOT TO BE LEFT IN THE DUST!" Rock Lee shouted, and, while many people covered their ears in protest to his loud voice they all agreed. Naruto wouldn't be the only one to get stronger.

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**Back in tech support**

Death cracked his whip again, "Muwahahahaha! Work! Work slave! Work!"

Kyuubi had twin cascades of tears running down his furry face. "Why do you have to use the whip? This job is torture enough as it is." He complained as he answered another call. Death seemed to ignore him as he just kept on whipping. God he hated his job.

"Muwahahahahahaha! WORK! And do it with a smile!" God he loved his job.

End Chapter

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A/N: Whooo! Nice one TES! Oh thanks me! Your quite welcome old chap! I'm not British. Anyway, Long chap is loooong. Okay so I've seen longer but this is still good right? This chap isn't exactly the best out there but I was going to have to write it eventually. Also I'd like to know what worlds (anime, video games) you want Naruto to travel to and to his business. Also the harem is as stands Anko, Tenten, Temari and then one or MAYBE two other(s) girl(s). The other girl(S) is/are open for debate. BUT THEY **CANNOT** BE FROM THE NARUTO-VERSE. This means NO Isirabi, I know you like her but the next girl in the Harem needs to be from another anime or video game. Please supply me with suggestions. If you break the rules and suggest a girl from Naruto I will bash you hardcore. I intend to try and write at least one fic for each hetero pairing for Naruto I can so don't worry; your girl will show up eventually. Also, I'm not to savvy as to what happens next in the Naruto series, I've got a vague idea from Wikipedia and youtube but it doesn't really matter since this will be Naruto my way. Yes, he is SUPER POWERFUL in this fic. Not "Oh, the entire Akastuki? Well I'll kill you just by looking at you funny." Powerful; just trust me okay? It will still be exciting. I hope.

1: Blood Rebirth.

2: here's an image: http://en . wikipedia . org/wiki/LordRaptor

3: here's an image: http://en . wikipedia . org/wiki/Raziel28LegacyofKain29


	3. He's Back and Badass

A/N: Nice. I got a sudden urge to write…really, really bad. Anyway, I bought some Hellsing Manga so that I can plan out some of this story. Buy it. It is amazing. Buy it right now. Stop reading immediately; RUN, do not walk, jog, or drive, simply RUN to your nearest bookstore and buy the shit out of this manga. It is soooo good. I've watched the anime; this kicks the absolute and total SHIT out of it. Also, buy the OVA it is ten times better than the anime and is a proper portrayal of the manga. Okay enough rambling praise.

Seras may be the hottest manga/anime girl in existence.

**I don't own Naruto…I wonder if I could buy stock in it. Then, technically, I would. All characters belong to their respective creators and whatnot. Please don't sue me.**

Tsunade was enjoying a pleasant nap…for the fourteenth time that day, when she sensed the other presence. She managed to uphold the image of a sleeping Hokage as not to alert the presence to the fact that she knew it was there. There no killer intent though, which seemed odd. This assassin was happy to see her? Furthermore it felt more like they wanted to give her a hug. That's when she felt it. Something on her head. Something small and a little slimy.

Cracking her eyelids open she raised one ocular orb up to stare into the face of a little, yellow toad. He had chubby little cheeks and the toad equivalent of a grin. He was also upside down. All in all he was extremely cute. Raising one little webbed foot he greeted her.

"Yo." It said in a croaky squeak.

"Hello. And what, may I ask, are you doing on my head?" She asked still lazing about on her desk.

"Naruto-nii-chan sent me!" He said cheerfully. Tsunade immediately sat straight up, catching the little toad as he fell off her head. Holding her palm with the yellow one in front of her face she asked him.

"Naruto? What's wrong is he in trouble?" She asked hoping against hope that wasn't the reason he was there.

"Nope!" Tsunade released a sigh of relief. She hadn't heard from either Naruto or Jiraiya in six months, she was beginning to worry. "He sent me to tell you…uh…what was it?" He scratched his bald scalp with one webbed hand.

"He sent you to tell me…" Tsunade was pronouncing the words slowly and rotating her free hand in the air in an attempt to prompt some kind of miracle memory retrieval. That's when the gears began moving in the tiny amphibian's head.

"Oh yeah! He said," he cleared his throat," 'Tell Tsunade-obaa-chan that we'll all be back in three days at noon exactly, it's a promise!' Yup, that's what he said alright." Tsunade was glad to hear it. Her surrogate brother was finally coming home! Although, he was bringing two walking cadavers and the biggest pervert known the man with him. Number one most surprising ninja indeed.

"Hmm, they usually send Gamakichi to deliver messages." She said after digesting the previous bit of information.

"Aniki is too big to send they said. Naruto-nii-chan also said that since I'm cute you probably wouldn't send me through a wall before taking the message." Tsunade nodded, it was true after all…unless she had a hangover, and it was miracle that she didn't, because if that was the case not even a box full of kittens and puppies was safe from her rage. "Well, I gotta go; Aniki said he'd teach me how to smoke a pipe toady! Ja ne!"

Tsunade smiled as she looked at the giant gates of Konoha, she'd have to tell her apprentice, Sakura. No doubt she'd be excited to hear this little tidbit of info. It had been entirely too quite without their favorite blonde knuckle head around.

**Three days later**

The Rookie nine, plus team Gai, were all assembled just inside the North gate waiting for a certain blonde idiot. Shikamaru was absent due to his chunnin duties but said that he would find time to visit the troublesome blonde. Needless to say excitement was mounting as noon approached. Many different thoughts swirled around the group.

"I wonder how much stronger Naruto-kun has become since our last spar." Rock Lee said as he and his team arrived.

"Well, if he beat me he probably couldn't get very much stronger. I am awesome." Kiba said, his partner, Akamaru, providing a supportive bark. The following collective groan was ignored by said boy and his dog.

"I wonder if his appearance will have changed any, wouldn't it be funny if he was still a runt?" Yamanaka Ino asked, laughing at the image of a twelve-year-old Naruto beating the snot out of the sixteen-year-old Kiba.

"I h-hope N-Naruto-k-kun isn't still s-small. T-that would mean h-he has been i-ill." The shy Hinata stammered out. The shy girl had literally been dragged by Sakura and Ino and Tenten to the meeting place. Her feelings for Naruto having only been amplified during his absence, you know how the saying goes.

"Don't worry Hinata, Ino-pig was just being stupid. Isn't that right Ino-pig?" Sakura asked as she elbowed the blonde Yamanaka in the ribs.

"What was that billboard brow?" Ino asked darkly. The rest of the group took a protective step away from the newly dubbed ground zero.

"I bet Naruto has eaten lots of exotic food while he was on his trip." Chouji thought aloud, a dreamy expression rolling over his features as he finished putting up the "caution do not cross" ribbons around the quarrelling girls.

"Must you always think with your stomach Akimichi? Honestly, do you think he's eaten anything other than instant ramen?" Neji asked as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"I didn't think the Hyuugas' had a sense of humor." Shino announced as he pushed his glasses up his nose.

"And I didn't think the Aburames did either." Tenten said honestly as she began shifting her vision from Neji to Shino, seeing who would move their facial muscles first.

"We don't. But we do have an affinity for sarcasm." Shino said as he turned and looked directly into the burning sun. "It will soon be time." He said leveling his haze on the enormous gate.

"Doesn't that hurt you?" Kiba asked as he stood next to his teammate.

"Yes, my eyes have been repeatedly repaired by my insects. Aburames also have an affinity for the sun. That is why all Aburames wear sunglasses." Shino replied.

"O-oh. Okay." Kiba answered back as an awkward silence passed. Soon high noon came rolling by. Exactly as the sun reached it apex Shino gave out a warning.

"Heads." The stoic boy said. When everyone else turned to see just what he meant he pointed directly up at the sun. Shielding their eyes everyone looked up. A small black dot seemed to be approaching them at a high speed. Soon it wasn't so small. It blurred in front of them, colliding with the ground. An explosion of dust and debris was kicked up and everyone was in there own tense defensive stance, each of them ready for anything that might emerge from the cloud that had formed. Neji and Hinata gasped at what they saw through their Byakugans, and as the dust cleared so did everyone else. Where there had once been perfectly stable ground was now a small crater and standing in the middle of this crater was, nothing. Everyone tensed even more, what had just happened? That's when they heard a familiar, boisterous laugh from behind them.

"You guys seem disappointed. And here I thought you'd be happy to see me after almost three years!" They turned around so fast you would have thought they had faces on the backs of their heads. Again a collective gasp was heard, this time for another reason. Not for the lack of Naruto but because of his appearance.

Naruto currently stood a good 6'2", Ino's hopes of a runty Naruto being blown out the window. His hair was long, almost down to the middle of his back, a majority of being tied in a long ponytail not unlike Jiraiya. He also had a scruffy goatee on his chin, making him look ages older than he was supposed to be. His jumpsuit had been replaced by an orange karate uniform with a navy blue undershirt, wristbands, belt and boots. In a white circle, just above his heart, the kanji for blood was written in black. A warm smile split his face, bending his whisker-like birthmarks and crinkling his eyes in jovial delight. The rookies had yet to recover from the shock of his appearance, both in the sense of what he looked like and how he arrived.

"I missed you guys a lot." He said as he began walking towards the group. That was when the crowd decided to regain their bearings. Shaking themselves out of their stupor they rushed the blonde and questions were released at a rapid-fire rate from both parties. They were calmed down by the sound of the huge gates creaking open to reveal three figures. They all recognized the smiling, legendary Jiraiya of the Sannin but the two fellows beside him were new to all of them, save for Naruto of course. One was a regal looking man with oily, blue-ish black hair and a bored expression on his face. The other had long blue hair, a leather jacket and an off-putting grin adorning his rugged features.

"Yo, Ruto! Who're your friends, pal? Gonna introduce us, mate?" The scary looking new-comer shouted as he strutted over. The second new person, taking his time at a leisurely gait, spoke up.

"Although it rarely happens, and it pains me infinitely more-so every time, I must agree with this dancing dimwit, Naruto. It would be rather rude to keep your comrades in suspense as to our identities." He said calmly as he, and the other guy, came to a stop on either side of Naruto.

"Oh, right. Guys this is," he gestured to the scary one, "Zabel Zabrock. Just calm him Zabel. And this," he gestured to his left where the other fellow stood, "Is Raziel. He doesn't have another name." From there he introduced all of his friends. Raziel would shake hands with them while Zabel would nod to the guys and wink at the girls, when he felt it was necessary of course. It just happened to be necessary all the time. Soon the rookies all had to go their separate ways, ninja duties and all that, and Jiraiya went ahead with Raziel and Zabel to the Hokage's office to announce their return. This left a happy Naruto and Sakura to catch up on old times, with the welcome intrusion of the Konohamaru corps.

"Hey, Sakura-nee-chan! Who's this guy?" Konohamaru called as he spotted the two walking down the street. He ran to catch up them, his two partners in crime, Moegi and Udon, in tow behind him.

"Is that? Haha, it is! Yo, Konohamaru-kun, Moegi-chan, Udon-kun!" Naruto laughed as he waved to them. They stopped and looked up in awe at the man who was their leader. He grew! A lot!

"Leader? Is that really you?" At his nod they all got starry-eyed. "WOW! You look so cool Boss!"

"You're hair is so long! I'm jealous." Moegi pouted and Naruto chuckled as he patted her head.

"Oh, don't worry. I'm getting this taken care of as soon as I can find a barber." He said as he smiled down at his favorite would-be ninjas. Sakura smiled as she watched on, it seemed as though Naruto had grown physically and mentally, and at an exponential rate at that.

"Hey leader! Check this out!" Konohamaru shouted as he made a few hand seals. He was soon engulfed in smoke and replaced with a beautiful, NAKED, brunette. The sexy babe then said, in a sultry whisper no less, "**Oiroke no Jutsu**" as she leaned over and blew a kiss to Naruto. Naruto sat there with a deadpanned expression on his face. Closing his eyes, crossing his arms and nodding once he walked up to the naked Konohamaru-chan. The naked girl had a perplexed expression on her face before she was struck on the top of her head, sending her down into the dirt and canceling the transformation.

"BAKA!!" Naruto shouted as he punched the henged Konohamaru. Dusting his hands off he stood up straight and crossed his arms again. "That technique won't work on me Konohamaru! But I see that you have increased its affectivity ten-fold since the last time I saw you use it. Now if you really want to knock 'em dead you've got to proportion the-" Naruto was cut off as Sakura smashed his head into the ground.

"BAKA!!" Sakura shouted as she punched Naruto. She had thought that maybe he had matured over the years but being around Jiraiya seemed to have made him even more of a pervert. God knows what those other two taught him!

"But Sakura-_chwaaaaaan_!" he whined, "This technique is the ultimate move to use against perverts! A well placed Oiroke no Jutsu can take down Ero-sennin in a matter of seconds! He's barred me from using it in spars." Naruto said as he sat cross-legged next to Konohamaru. They each had matching lumps growing on their heads.

"She's probably just jealous." A new voice said, the group looked up and noticed Mitarashi Anko sitting on the ledge of the building above them. "You leave for almost three years and you don't call, you don't write, nothing! It's like you didn't miss me at all Naruto-kun!" She said as she jumped down and landed in front of them without so much as a grunt from the landing.

"O-oh, uh, heh heh. I um, missed you a lot Anko-chan! Really, I did!" Naruto said as he unconsciously took a step back. His eyes were closed and he was smiling widely. "I just…didn't memorize your address so I couldn't send you any mail and I'd hate for you to have to pay for long distance calls!" Naruto said attempting to save his skin. Anko dashed behind him and held him close before whispering in his ear.

"That's good because I missed you a lot too Naruto-_kun_. You still have to fulfill that promise remember? I know how you hate to break promises. And to my great surprise you come back even more handsome than before! _Lucky me._" She huskily whispered before she licked his earlobe. The four on lookers were red-faced and shocked, to say the least. Naruto was blushing a little and chuckled nervously a bit before he managed to wriggle out of her hold.

"Now, now not in front of the children, Anko-chan. Besides Sakura and I need to go to see Obaa-chan. So I'll see you around!" He grabbed Sakura's wrist and booked it as fast as he could to the towering office of the Hokage. Anko gave a huff before crossing her arms under her ample, ahem, for lack of a better term…tits.

"Damn, he got away again. He sure is a slippery little guy. Humph, he's not so little anymore though." She said before walking off to God knows where to do God knows what. The Konohamaru corps shook off their unease and ran off to train incase that crazy woman decides to sneak up on them next.

Soon Naruto and Sakura had made it to the towering tower and were standing outside the office of the Hokage it housed. Naruto was looking at the door with great intensity as he rubbed his chin, obviously thinking about something.

"Naruto, what's up?" Sakura whispered. Honestly she didn't know why she decided to whisper, it just seemed appropriate.

"I'm trying to decide how to go about meeting Oba-chan. There's the formal way, to show her I've grown. The Naruto way, to show her I'm still Naruto. And then there's the 'I have a baby' way, to make her have a heart attack." Naruto whispered as he crouched down.

"The 'I have a baby' way? I can only assume how that would work, but won't your friends and Jiraiya-sama ruin it by being surprised too?" She asked.

"Nah, we've rehearsed." He said. "But I feel that the shock factor isn't worth the overall cliché-edness. I mean, EVERYBODY does that one." Sakura simply nodded her head, it was true after all. So without further contemplation Naruto kicked open the door, earning him a fistful of vengeance from an angry Tsunade. Or, he would have if he hadn't traded places with Jiraiya. Said toad hermit was sent barreling out the door at high speeds.

Naruto then stood up straight and joined the already laughing Zabel in enjoying his sensei's suffering. Tsunade turned to her adopted brother and finally took in his appearance. He had grown handsome and would probably make her a _real_ grandma someday. Smiling grimly at the thought she chanced a look at her assistant and was both pleasantly surprised and a little alarmed to find her sporting a blush and looking everywhere _except_ Naruto's general direction. Welcome to Blackmail city, population: Shizune.

When Naruto had finished laughing he greeted both his surrogate mother and her assistant. Although on the outside she was smiling broadly and laughing with Naruto; as he hugged Shizune she couldn't help but think about what he had called her, '_Shizune-nee-chan? Nee-chan? Damn. Just, damn._'

Tsunade had been talking about something but Naruto wasn't really paying attention, that is, he wasn't paying attention until she said test. He ears twitched and his head perked up immediately.

"Test! Like, a fighting test!?" Naruto asked hopefully. Zabel laughed and threw his head back, even Raziel had a chuckle. Jiraiya had no input seeing as how he had just managed to drag himself into the room.

"Yes, Naruto, like a fighting test." Tsunade said covering her ears and waiting for the explosion of noise that is Naruto. She opened her eyes to find that he had wide, puppy dog, eyes(complete with sparkles) and had both hands clapped together next to the side of his face. He had one leg bent into the air and he seemed to be floating.

"Yaaaaaaaaay!" Then his personality seemed to flip as he slammed his fist into his open palm while smiling ferociously. "I haven't tested my abilities in a long time! This is gonna be great!" He looked up expectantly, "So who is it? Neji!? Lee!? Neji _AND_ Lee!? Gai-sensei!? Please tell me its all three!" Naruto was practically shouting near the end. Tsunade's eye twitched, '_this boy's got a death wish_.'

"No, Naruto, it's not Neji, Lee OR Gai. Thank god. And this is a test for both you AND Sakura. Your opponent is-"She was interrupted by the door opening and two people walking in.

"Our opponent is Shikamaru?" Naruto asked as he pointed to the pineapple-headed chunnin. Hearing his name his head perked up and Shikamaru looked around the room. His eyes landed on a smiling blonde with long hair and- wait, smiling blonde? He only knew one person who fit that description so far. All other blondes were troublesome, nagging women.

"Oi! Naruto is that you? It is you! Long time no see." Shikamaru smiled as he walked up to Naruto and shook his hand. "Boy, Chouji wouldn't stop complaining about how you were getting to taste exotic food on your trip, you're a troublesome guy." Naruto laughed thinking at the thought.

"Ah, but I did taste great food, and met a master chef. By the way, pizza? Delicious." Naruto said as he brought his hand up to his mouth and kissed his fingers before spreading them outward, signifying a truly scrumptious meal. That was when he noticed the second person who entered the room. She smiled at him and extended her hand. He took it and shook it while trying to place her face to a name.

"Oh! I remember you! You're Gaara's hot sister. Sorry, but I never got a chance to learn your name." Naruto said, smiling obliviously. That was when he noticed that the room had gotten a little quieter, our louder if you counting the wailing laughter of one Zabel Zabrock. Leaning over to Raziel, while still shaking the girl's hand, he whispered, "I, uh, did it again didn't I?" Raziel simply leaned over and answered in his normal sarcastic tone.

"If you mean the thing where you can't keep your big mouth shut and you end up blurting out the first thing that comes to mind then, yes, yes you did."

"What was it this time?"

"I believe the catch phrase was 'Gaara's hot sister'."

"Ah, yes. That probably did it." That was when a thoroughly flustered Temari spoke up.

"If you two are done chatting about how stupid you are I would appreciate it if you would let go of my hand!" Temari ground out, a slight blush marring her 'I-_DIDN'T_-just-hear-what-he-said-about-me' act, while she ripped her hand out of Naruto's grasp. "And anyway, I never got a chance to say thanks. So," She took a deep breath, "thank you Uzumaki Naruto." Temari said looking at the ground to her right.

"Your welcome!" Naruto said happily. He then adopted a rather confused expression. "What did I do exactly?" Temari huffed and crossed her arms.

"You really helped beat some sense into Gaara…were more of a family now thanks to you." She said avoid his stare. His face softened and he smiled widely.

"That's great! I can't wait to see-" Naruto was _going_ to say he couldn't wait to see Gaara but he didn't get to.

Clearing her throat rather loudly Tsunade re-railed the previous conversation, "As I was saying. No, Naruto he is not your opponent. Your opponent is out there." She said gesturing to the window. Naruto hopped over to the window and stuck his head out. With one hand above his eyes he began scanning the rooftops. He noticed a sliver of silver to his left.

"Kakashi-sensei! You're our opponent?" Naruto asked as he jumped out onto the roof.

"Yo, Naruto, Sakura. You two have grown since I last saw you. Yes, I am your opponent." Kakashi said as he put away his favorite orange book. Noticing the orange Naruto snapped his fingers and reached into a pocket concealed by his hair. Revealing a little _blue_ book. Kakashi's eye went wide. He began to stammer.

"I-is t-that…" he asked wile shakily reaching out.

"Yeah, it's Ero-sennin's newest book. An advanced printing, first edition, autographed copy of Itcha Itcha Violence. He gave me this copy but I thought it was pretty boring so I'll give it to you." Naruto said, handing it to the cyclopean jounin.

Kakashi drew a sharp breath as he opened the front cover and was exposed to 20,000 gigawatts of pure shmex. Mumbling a lame excuse, as well as a place and time for the test, he poofed away. Naruto and the other stood there blinking for a second before he threw his head back and shook his fist to the sky. "CURSE YOU ITCHA ITCHA!! CURSE YOUUUU!!"

"Hey! Don't blame Itcha Itcha for being so god-dammed addicting. Blame me for making it that way." Jiraiya reprimanded. He leaned over to Zabel and whispered behind his hand, "I use nicotine in my ink." Naruto threw his head back again.

"CURSE YOU ERO-SENNIN!! CURSE YOUUUU!!" he quickly regained his composure. "Well, I'd say we've got a good four hours to burn. Let's go check out my new house, and get me a hair cut!" Naruto exclaimed pointing a finger at the horizon.

Raziel and Zabel went ahead to set up in the new house while Sakura took Naruto to a shinobi barber. The motto was 'Hair cut exactly how you want it in less than 30 seconds or your money back!', give those shinobi barbers a kunai and they can do _anything_ with your hair, no matter how atrocious. So, Naruto, now sporting his original hair style (spikes in all directions), Sakura, Shikamaru and Temari were all heading down the road to Naruto's new abode. Naruto already knew about everyone's advancement in ranks, including Gaara's. When asked how he said, "I traveled with a man who has his own information network all over the world. You think I _wouldn't_ know about my friends' status." He failed to mention the fact that he actually got said information from his employer at their last meeting, a month ago.

Naruto stopped in front of his door and starred in awe at it. It wasn't because it was an enormous house, even though it was rather big, but it was because of the location. The house was currently situated in-between an apartment complex and another house. Unfortunately the apartments were the very same apartments he was fleeing from before he left; the apartment complex that housed one Mitarashi Anko. He didn't know who lived in the other house but it was bound to be better than Anko, he hoped. But fortunately directly across the street was heaven on earth, Ichiraku Ramen. Needless to say, they would be receiving almost constant business.

Naruto invited his friends inside but Shikamaru and Temari had to leave and Sakura said she had things to do at home that she wanted to get done before the test. Shrugging Naruto entered his home and rubbed his hands together. "Okay, Zabel hows GH 2 coming?" Naruto asked as he walked through the house taking stock of everything and memorizing the layout. While traveling the different realities and universes Naruto, Zabel and Raziel had become close companions and each had built up an abundant collection of trophies and souvenirs. One of Naruto's favorites was the Xbox 360 and Guitar Hero 2(1).

**FOUR HOURS LATER**

Zabel looked up from the screen as a loud banging was heard from the front door. "Yo, Naru, you gonna answer that or are you going to keep sucking at this game?" He asked sniggering. Naruto simply grunted as he continued strumming.

"Fuck you. I'm about to perfect _freebird_ on expert, you answer the door. Ass-wipe." Zabel simply flipped him off while rising to his feet and making sure he was in human form before waltzing up to the door and opening it. He looked down and saw Sakura. She looked up at him and laughed nervously.

"Eheheh, is uh, Naruto home?" She asked. Zabel shifted and yelled into the house.

"Hey Naruto" He called from the door.

"Fuck you." Naruto called back.

"Naru-"he began.

"Fuck you! Perfect! Freebird! Expert! Ass-wipe!" Naruto shouted back. Sakura was confused by his words, was it some kind of code? Shortly after she heard what sounded like a guitar string being plucked out of place and an aggravated scream. "Gaaaaaaaawd DAMMIT!" Leaning to the side she saw Naruto get up from a couch and throw his hands in the air exasperatedly before he sulked to the door.

When he saw her he perked up instantly, "Oh! Sakura, it must be time for Kakashi's test right?" At her nod he left the house and told Raziel not to let Zabel burn it down. Zabel was noticeably depressed and put, what looked like, a bottle with a rag in it back into his jacket.

Naruto and Sakura arrived at the designated area with ten minutes to spare before Kakashi appeared in a cloud of smoke. After explaining that it was another bell test he gave the two a moment to prepare before they began. Sakura put on a pair of black, leather gloves. Kakashi put his book away and pulled up his headband to reveal his sharingan eye. Naruto took off his orange over shirt and tied his head band more securely on his forehead, before he smirked.

"Two hours." Naruto said. Sakura and Kakashi gave him a confused look.

"It will take us two hours to get those bells, Kakashi-sensei." Sakura and Kakashi shared a gasp before Kakashi chuckled.

"Hm, perhaps. But don't take me lightly Naruto." He chided.

"Don't worry," Naruto let his eyes bleed red, "we won't."

'_Is this still Naruto?_' Were the thoughts of all those present, save for Jiraiya, which included Kakashi, Sakura, Tsunade, Shizune and Jiraiya.

"Alright, ready," Naruto got into a tense stance, "Set," Sakura coiled herself, "GO!" all three participants blurred into the forest.

Ten Minutes Later

Sakura and Naruto stopped in the cover of some trees' thick leaves. "Sakura if we are gonna make a good strategy I need to know what you can do." The pink-haired kunoichi nodded and listed some of her abilities, such as medical jutsu and her monster strength. "Okay here's the plan…"

Thirty Minutes Later

Kakashi tensed as he felt a presence close in on him. Dodging to the left a kunai managed to take off a few hairs. Looking at the source of the projectile he saw a small army of Narutos and Sakuras. Sighing, he readied a kunai of his own and began countering the assault. He was surprised to find these clones actually surviving more than one hit and using jutsu. Maybe Naruto _had_ improved.

Twenty meters away under a tree Naruto sat with his eyes closed and Sakura was preparing traps. He was using his clones to analyze and slowly pick apart Kakashi's fighting style and technique. It would be awhile before he had enough info for an effective attack but it was working nonetheless. Feeling Sakura land next to him he smiled and began outlining his final plan.

One Hour Later

Kakashi grunted as he finished off ANOTHER FUCKING CLONE. He had been using up chakra using his sharingan to stay on top of the clones but they kept growing in strength; each one faster, stronger and longer lasting than the last, each one exploiting a minute weaknesses in his defense, 'This is some serious bullshit. As soon as I find you Naruto, you shall pay!' He thought as he followed a very well disguised trail that lead to an open clearing. 'Yeah, nice try, Naruto.' he thought as he began to slowly circle the perimeter of the clearing. Unseen by Kakashi, Naruto had a broad smile adoring his features, '_Nice try_ _Kakashi_'. Kakashi was started as the tree he was on began to fall into hundreds of pieces, using his sharingan eye he managed to catch a glimpse of what appeared to be an orange blur darting through the debris. He tried jumping to another tree but it too was shredded, he was eventually forced out into the clearing.

Settling into a tense stance and ready to attack from any angle Kakashi heard a battle cry from behind him. Turning around almost instantly he saw Sakura flying towards the ground. She slammed her fist into terra firma and, lo and behold, the ground shattered like so much glass. Kakashi had to jump away to try and get firm footing when he felt a burst of killer intent. Looking behind him fearfully he saw Naruto with his hands in the dreaded tora seal.

"**Konohagakure Hiden: Taijutsu Ōugi: Sennen Goroshi!!!**(2)" Naruto shouted as her thrust his fingers forward. His sudden burst of speed caught Kakashi off guard and he met his mark. Kakashi was sent flying up into the air. Sakura jumped backwards and landed on the bottoms of a clones feet, the clone then shot her into the air at great speed. She was on a collision course with Kakashi and they both new it. Kakashi also knew that if she connected it'd be lights out; so he attempted to perform a **Kawarimi**(3) but found his hands unable to move. Looking down in surprise he saw that crimson tendrils had intertwined with his hands, ankles, and most importantly, fingers. Following the bloody ropes back to their source he found Naruto.

The tentacle-like appendages were sprouting from Naruto's back and the teen was smiling while pointing past Kakashi. Kakashi whipped his head up in surprise long enough to register Sakura bringing a Tsunade-grade punch in connection with his face.

Several minutes later Kakashi was revived by and apologetic looking Sakura and Naruto. "Wha' happen'?" He slurred as he groggily sat up and rubbed his aching head.

"Well, the technical term is, 'we raped you...in the ass'. But all that that means is we got the bells and managed to give you a mild concussion in the process. In…" Naruto paused as he counted on his fingers, "one hour and 59 minutes." Naruto said happily as he handed his sensei some aspirin.

"Wow, only a _mild_ concussion? Fantastic. Well, it appears as though you two have surpassed me. Although, in my defense I underestimated you a little, and I forgot about certain… circumstances. But, don't think this means I'll be going easy on you when we begin team training again. If anything you'll be working harder. But for now, I'm going to rest and then I'll do some training of my own." Kakashi said as he gave his students a proud look before poofing away to the hospital. And by hospital I mean his bedroom where he would proceed to relax by reading dirty, dirty porn.

Naruto and Sakura blinked away their initial surprise and then rose to their feet. Sharing a glance they shrugged and began walking back into town.

"So Naruto what was that technique you used to hold Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura asked casually as they walked down the street. Naruto stumbled a little upon hearing the question. '_Think you ass, THINK! Either make up a technique or tell a half truth. All-out lie, or half lie. Aren't they technically the same ethically? Isn't being a ninja unethical anyway? Ethics can be confusing…did I leave the stove on? I need to buy some new pants. NO! MUST! FOCUS!_' By this point Naruto was standing in the street, mouth agape and eyes glazed, staring off into space. Waving a hand in front of his face Sakura called his name in an attempt to revive him.

"Humminawha! Who? I'm sorry what were you saying?" Naruto asked as he laughed nervously after shaking his head to clear the cobwebs. Sakura sighed exasperatedly.

"What. Was. That. Jutsu?" She said with her hands on her hips. Drawing out the words as if Naruto was mentally challenged…she wasn't far off.

"Oh that was just blood." Naruto said offhandedly as he continued walking, stopping almost immediately as he realized what he just said. 'I did it again. Christ.'.

"B-blood!? Like, a bloodline? Shikamaru mentioned something about that when you came back from the retrieval mission." Sakura rubbed her chin and furrowed her brow, recalling the events from the recovery ward.

"Uh, Yeah! Hehe, yep, I've got a Bloodline! It's…new though. So I don't really know anything about it. I don't even know the name!" Naruto said as he turned around to face her. '_Shikamaru you magnificent bastard! It's perfect! Wait, didn't _I _come up with that?'_

"Oh. Well that should help us a lot!" She said as she raised her fist into the air. Naruto did likewise while nodding in approval. After they had made it near the residential area, Naruto took a sharp turn right.

"Where are you going Naruto?" Sakura asked as she watched him leave.

"I wanna find Lee and have a spar! Kakashi-sensei is more suited for ninjutsu, I need a taijutsu test. You can come if you want! It'll be awesome!" He explained as he began walking backwards so that he could keep eye contact. She just shook her head while laughing at him. He just spent the better part of two hours creating 'super bunshins' as he called them and he still had energy to burn.

"No thanks. I'm going home and talking a warm bat. See you later Naruto." Sakura waved goodbye. Naruto reciprocated.

"See ya!" Naruto shouted as he turned around again. He closed his eyes as he walked and let his senses expand. '_C'mon Lee. Where are you?' _He could feel everything around him; nothing was hidden from him as he allowed his influence to spread un-noticed by the world's inhabitants. He felt a familiar blip and a feeling of extreme youthfulness started to overwhelm the blip's current area. _'There you are.'_ Naruto thought as he dashed in the feeling's direction.

Bursting into a clearing he saw what he was looking for: a boy in green spandex beating the shit out of a log; a girl in a white Chinese-style shirt getting perfect bull's-eyes with anything she could hurl, and a dour looking boy with pale eyes practicing kata. They all turned to the new arrival fully intent on defending themselves, upon seeing who it was though they all relaxed and offered friendly smiles as he approached them.

"Sup, guys and girl? I was wonderin' if any of you wanted to spar. I've been itchin' for a good fight." Tenten and Neji sighed while chancing a look at Lee. The boy was practically shaking with excitement.

"YOSHA! I WOULD BE HONORED TO SPAR WITH YOU NARUTO-KUN! WHAT ARE THE CONDITIONS MY YOUTHFUL RIVAL!?" Lee screamed. Naruto laughed heartily before laying down the ground rules.

"Rule one: no killing…duh," everyone nodded, "Rule 2: we keep going until one of us passes out." Tenten and Neji got nervous looks while Lee simply nodded like last time, "Rule 3: Loser buys me ramen." Naruto finished as he stood up and started stretching.

"What if I win this spar, Naruto-kun? You seem to think very highly of your abilities, or you are underestimating mine." Lee said as he too commenced stretching.

"No, I'm not. If you win you don't have to buy me ramen. Trust that's a prize in and of itself." Naruto explained.

"Right, I had forgotten Naruto-kun." Lee laughed. He finished stretching and got into a ready stance. He looked at Naruto and was put-off at his appearance. Naruto had his hands in his pockets and his upper body was completely relaxed, all-in-all he did not look like he was ready for a fight. That is, until one looked into his eyes. Naruto's eyes held a flame of passion and excitement matched only by Lee's own. Still his unorthodox stance piqued the green-clad boy's interest.

"Are you ready Naruto-kun? You seem a little too relaxed for fighting." Lee asked.

"Of course I am. This is the basic stance for _**Ake Hagi(4)**_." Naruto said as he shifted his weight a little.

"Bloody…" Tenten mumbled.

"…Leg?" Lee asked. "I have never heard of that style Naruto-kun! I CANNOT CONTAIN MY EXCITEMENT AT SEEING AN UNKNOWN STYLE!"

Neji humph-ed while discretely activating his Byakugan eyes. He would pick this new style apart.

"Well then, let's get started shall we? Your move Fuzzy Brows!" Naruto said as he tensed his muscles.

Lee darted forward, making Naruto smile. The boy's speed was intense even with the massive weights on his legs, perfect! Closing the distance quickly Lee began rotating his body. He initiated a sweep but, at the last possible moment, he pulled his leg inward and shot upwards with a devastating uppercut. Instead of dodging Naruto surprised them by blocking, with his chin. Caught off guard by his attack connecting Lee wasn't prepared when Naruto used the momentum from the strike to perform a lightning fast back flip; catching Lee's chin with his foot.

Lee was sent backwards quickly springing back onto his feet and narrowly avoiding the disabling heel drop from Naruto. The collision with the ground caused a noticeable crater. The two boys smiled and re-entered combat.

Tenten and Neji were gob-smacked. Naruto and Lee were going all out at the moment and the only blows landed were the first two chin shots. Naruto was blocking any and all attacks with just his legs, he had yet to take his hands out of his pockets. Lee seemed to be enjoying himself as well which meant it was only a matter of time before…_**CRASH!!**_

Lee smirked as his weights hit the ground. "Gai-sensei would have wanted us to express our full-youthfulness in this battle Naruto-kun! If you have any weights I'll let you remove them now." Lee said as he slid back into his Gōken(5) Stance.

"I don't have weights but I can do something similar. I'm sure Neji knows what I'm talking about." Naruto gestured to the stoic Hyuuga with a jerk of his head. Lee had a perplexed look and spared a glance at his teammate, hoping for some kind of explanation. He was surprised to see the boy with his mouth hanging open and his eyes as wide as saucers.

"How did you do that Naruto?" Neji asked, his voice a mixture of awe and disgust.

"Do what?" Tenten asked, eyeing her teammate oddly. Naruto chuckled and motioned for Neji to explain.

"He's added muscle mass to his legs almost instantaneously." Lee and Tenten's eyes widened as well and they both quickly turned to stare at Naruto. "What's more, it's been condensed to allow maximum speed and reaction as well as power." Neji explained. "Where did that extra muscle come from Naruto?"

"My blood." Naruto as he settled his gaze on Lee. They nodded at each other, the signal to re-commence, and both disappeared from view. The two teens would reappear for brief flashes, sometimes leaving after images, before the thunderous crashes from their attacks were heard moments later. At sometime in the middle of the exchange Naruto had changed his stance, his fists would be required for this fight. '_I'm no where near Sanji-sensei in skill yet. Let's see how he likes a little Luffy style'_. With that thought they broke away from each other. Each breathing fairy hard, Lee smiled as he saw Naruto raise his fists. "I guess I can't go easy on you eh, Fuzzy Brows?"

"And I cannot allow myself to underestimate you either." Lee responded. Naruto laughed as he drew his fist back. The others could only assume as to what the hell he was doing, he was at lest twenty feet from Lee. Bringing his fist forward at frightening speed he shocked them once again by letting the limb stretch the whole 20 feet and smash into Lee's face. Lee stumbled back and starred in awe as the arm flew back as if it were made of rubber.

"**Gomu Gomu no Pistol**" Naruto said. "As it turns out I'm a dead last with a genius bloodline. But, don't think that that changes anything! I'll be Hokage with or without the use of this cursed gift!" Naruto said as he readjusted himself. Lee had stars in his eyes and was crying tears of joy.

"YOSHA! YES, NARUTO-KUN, WE WILL BOTH ACHIEVE OUR DREAMS! FOR YOU TO SHOW SUCH YOUTHFULLNESS IS INSPIRING! I WILL NOT HOLD BACK ANY LONGER! **INITIAL RELEASE!!**" Lee screamed as he released the first of the Eight Inner Gates. "NARUTO-KUN! Let us see if you can match this! I currently have five times my strength and speed!" Lee said, honorable as always.

Naruto smiled as he spread his feat and screwed his eyes shut in concentration. Soon the other three felt a massive spike in his chakra. Naruto was soon engulfed in a sea of chakra so bright Neji had to deactivate the Byakugan. His eyes snapping open, Naruto shouted "**KAIŌ-KEN(6) TIMES FIVE!!!**" The signal for battle had once again been deployed. The two just disappeared, the occasional muffled explosion sounding when they would clash, but you still would be able to see them without the Sharingan.

Neji and Tenten were sweating bullets as they watched the landscape around them being torn asunder. Trees were exploding; one was even split straight down the middle. The ground had deep gashes and craters from missed attacks and colliding bodies. The two were in the middle of making peace with their respective gods when Naruto and Lee phased back into sight; each still bursting with energy but panting nonetheless.

"This is the final charge Fuzzy Brows!" Naruto shouted as he coiled his muscles.

"I agree! This attack will decide the battle!" Lee exclaimed as he too prepared. Tenten and Neji waited with baited breath for the outcome of the fight.

Lee and Naruto charged one another, each releasing a fierce battle cry. Lee however was shocked to find that when he swung, his punch went right through the Naruto in front of him. '_Zanzôken (7)! At this speed!? But that would mean-' _ Lee had a shocked expression as he looked behind him, a smiling Naruto bringing his fist to meet him. The last thought he had before losing consciousness was, '_What speed, amazing.'_

Naruto smiled down at Lee as he wiped his brow clean of sweat. That was an invigorating spar indeed! Easily 75 percent of his un-blood aided power, of course had he been willing to go absolutely all out he doubted if it would have been 25. Still, Lee was one of the toughest opponents he'd had in a long time; and, Lee would only continue to increase in strength with every spar they would inevitably have. Lee reminded him of a Saiyan. Looking up he saw a shell-shocked Tenten and a wide-eyed Neji.

Blinking a couple times Naruto addressed them, "Whew, what a work out, eh?" The two shared a look that said, 'He's not serious right now…right?'

"Aaaaaaaaanyway, I figure he'll be out of it for awhile. Soooooo, uh, where does he live? Heh heh." Naruto chuckled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. Neji sighed and shook his head.

"Shikamaru was right, you are troublesome. I'll take him home. Tenten and I will inform Gai-sensei of his condition tomorrow." Neji proceeded to pick up the unconscious Lee, nodding to Naruto and Tenten and then leaping into the trees. Naruto fell back onto his behind and sat there with his goofy smile on before looking at Tenten, who was starring at the tree that was split in half.

"Ne, Tenten." The girl turned to look at him; he had cuts, bruises, and smudges of blood and dirt all over his visible body. He looked like a little kid who had just finished playing in the mud, you know except for the facial hair and the height and stuff. He had a glint in his eye that she didn't like.

"Yes?" She asked warily.

"You wanna spar!?" He asked hopefully. She choked before falling back, landing so that she was sitting in-between the two halves of tree.

"W-WHAT? You and Lee just had the Fourth Great Shinobi War and you want to spar AGAIN!? I'm not as strong as Lee you know! You'll rip me to shreds!" Tenten exclaimed. She hated admiting that but she knew it was true.

"I know, but you're an expert weapon mistress and I want to practice with mine. I promise I won't go Lee on you like I just did. I won't use power-ups! Puh-leeeeeeeeeeeeassssssse?" Naruto asked. He really did look like a little kid. Her self preservation was telling her DON'T DO IT, but her love of all things sharp and pointy told her otherwise. Still, she wasn't quite convinced.

"I don't know Naruto. I mean, why should I? What's in it for me?" she asked as she put her hands on her hips and leaned forward. He smiled, he might be able to get her to agree.

"I've been traveling the world for the past fi-three years, I've made a ton of new friends and seen a bunch of cool places and almost everywhere I've been I've brought back a souvenir, usually a weapon." He thought back to all his missions and his adventures. He had acquired a large armory of rare and legendary weapons; especially after that time he went to Dracula's Castle and fought alongside the Prince of Darkness's own son, Aludard. If she had caught his small slip up about his time spent away she didn't seem to notice; which was fine with him he didn't want to explain that just yet.

"So?" She asked, perhaps there _was_ something in it for her.

"I'll give any weapon of your choosing." Naruto's head was currently spinning. Almost immediately after he had said that Tenten had stood him up and began brushing him off, he smirked, even though the world was still twirling. '_Hook, line and sinker.'_ That is, until he groaned in pain and fell back. Tenten had a worried look on her face, she managed to catch him and she gently laid him down on his back.

"Naruto! What's wrong?" She asked as she began to look for the source of his pain. He groaned again and she looked at his face to find a look of…boredom?

"I forgot." He said simply.

"Forgot what?" She asked hoping for an explanation.

"I forgot that I hurt."

"Hurt where?" She asked continuing her search.

"I hurt in my everywhere. But if I had to narrow it down I think that I would have to say I hurt the most in my all of me. So I need to go home and rest my everything." Tenten sweatdropped. He certainly was extensive. "Sorry Tenten, but I guess the spar will have to be postponed." Groaning he made to stand. Tenten helped him up and, much to his chagrin, she began walking him home. After awhile he managed to complain enough for her to allow him to walk under his own power. He would stumble every once in awhile but he seemed to be getting better while they walked.

They talked about nothing in particular and before long they were standing outside of his home. "You live here?" Tenten asked unbelieving.

"Yeah, with my two roommates. Why? You sound really surprised." Naruto asked, chuckling. Tenten raised her arm and pointed at the house directly to the right of his own home.

"I live there." She said.

"Oh! Wow, what a coincidence! So do you live with your parents or…" He let it her interpret his question on her own.

"No I live alone. I'm an orphan." She said, and, while she hid it well, Naruto picked up on the small amount forlornness in her voice.

"I'm sorry." Naruto apologized, he knew how it felt.

"No it's okay! Really! My mom died in childbirth and my dad died in a mission while my mom was pregnant. I lived with my grandparent's in their weapon shop for awhile but I moved out when I became a gennin." She said waving her hands. Naruto felt relieved; at least the Kyuubi didn't kill them. That would have sucked.

"It's okay I know it hurts to talk about them, especially if you didn't know them. I'm the same way…'cept I don't know anything about mine. At least you have your grandparents though!" He said trying not to sound like the biggest pity-partier ever.

"Yeah, they're great. I still have dinner with them every Sunday. But, and I hate to pry about the subject, you don't know anything about your parents?" She asked, wary about talking about such a personal subject.

"Yeah. I don't know if they're alive or dead or whatever. But I've made this far without parents. I mean, I wouldn't mind knowing but I've Iruka-sensei, Obaa-chan, Ero-sennin, and you guys so it's not like I'm alone anymore." He smiled as he finished, letting her know that he really meant it.

"That's great." She said as she smiled up at him as well. They stood there for awhile before they realized that they were still just standing outside their houses, looking at each other. Quickly turning away from each other, they were each blushing and mumbling apologies for starring.

"So, uhm, would you, ahem, would you like to c-come inside?" Naruto asked, tumbling over his own words. There was a crash from inside his house followed by a string of explicatives. Naruto, who had motioned to his door with both hands just let his arms and his head drop.

"Ah, uh, sorry, Naruto, but I've got to go home and get ready for dinner." She said, they still weren't looking at each other.

"Oh yeah, it's Sunday! Well, then I'll let you go. Say hi for me. Although, since I don't know them personally that would probably be weird." He laughed a little and Tenten just chuckled while shaking her head. "Well, if you ever need anything you know where to look for me."

"The same goes for you Blondie." Tenten said with a smirk.

"See you tomorrow, Tenten." Naruto said waving as he went for his door.

"See you Naruto." Tenten replied. Naruto smiled at her and the turned back to his door. Opening it, he began yelling inside.

"WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT LETTING ZABEL BURN THE HOUSE DOWN!?" He screamed into his house.

"I DIDN'T BURN _ANYTHING_ I JUST BROKE SOME SHIT!" Was the answer.

The rest of the argument was just muffled shouts and crashes as the door was closed. Tenten giggled as she headed for her own house. Things sure had gotten interesting. And the neighborhood would definitely be less boring now.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Kyuubi let out a sigh of relief. He had finally managed to get his break and was standing by the water cooler. It was Friday and even though he was being punished he still got the weekends off. NOBODY was _that_ cruel. Taking a gulp of cold water he spotted a dreaded sight, one that chilled him to the very core. Bill, his manager was walking down the hall straight for him. He looked away and covered the right side of his face with his paw. And began mumbling to himself.

"Walk by, just walk by, just walk on by, don't look at him and he won't look at you, just ignore- Bill! What can I do for you, sir?" Kyuubi asked, his artificial smile tearing his face in two. Bill walked up to him and took a swig from his coffee mug.

"Hey there, how's it going? Got any plans for the weekend?" He asked as he looked at his watch.

"Well, yeah actually I-"

"That's grreeeeeat. Yeeeeeeeah, well, I'm gonna need you to come in on Sundaaay. Can you make it?" Bill said, not even paying attention to Kyuubi.

"Uh, I actually-"

"Greeeeat." With that Bill walked away to harass another employee. Kyuubi bashed his head against the wall and let the tears flow.

"Damn."

A/N: Done! FINALY!!! Jesus Christ. You see my friends have taken over my basement and have set up an impromptu LAN center. Its actually pretty sweet, except, my best friend can't take his own computer from his house 'cause it's the family comp. SOOOO he uses mine. Meaning: I have to sit and play PS2, Wii, and 360 while my three friends use the comps to play WoW. This also means that I don't get any privacy even if one of them falls asleep, and I like typing in private. Buuuuuut, because I'm leaving for Florda for a week my friends have filed out. But this also means that I won't get any writing done unless I can get a laptop(not happening). I have plenty of plans too. The only reason I got this done was because I started it the day before summer started and I finished it today because my friends have left a couple days early, allowing me privacy. Yes, This was over 3/4 written for about three weeks. _**THE VOTING FOR GIRLS IS CLOSED.**_ Terribly sorry if your girl isn't in there, and by there I mean go to my front page and see the six girls in the harem. Hawk Eyes and Motherf-ing Invitation will be updated before I update this again. I hope I can get some time to myself. Anyway, read and review.

**1:** Lame, I know but I needed it for a joke.

**2:** Hidden Leaf Secret: Taijutsu Supreme Technique: Thousand Years of Death

**3:** Body Replacement.

**4:** Bloody Leg. From One Piece.

**5:** Strong Fist

**6:** Fist of the Worlds. From DBZ.

**7:** Double Shadow Fist. After Image. Name from DBZ but every anime character knows it.


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